he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
