he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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