He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
