when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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