his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
