Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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