they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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