You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
