we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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