I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
