life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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