Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
