PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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