Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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