so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
