The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
