I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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