i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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