If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
