I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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