At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
