We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
