I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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