Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
