I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
