hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
