In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
