the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
