I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
