dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
