The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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