I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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