Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
