sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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