Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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