so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
