I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
