Sponge bath it is.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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