On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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