k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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