Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize