mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
