haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
