my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
