You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
