I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love you. Go after that dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize