If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize