I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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