I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
