I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
