I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
