there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
