There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
