Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize