I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
