I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
