I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
