you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
