is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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