Umm I'm too high to move.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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