Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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