hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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