forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
