My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
