What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
