I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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