Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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