i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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